Boom like an 808!

Hip-Hop....is dead.

Last night I got my 18-34 demographic, Americana on. I slaved all week on the 9-5 and was ready to unwind. Pumped up some jams and downed a six pack of Tecate. [well five. I sold one to my cousin for a dollar? What? That shit cost seven dollars and he is kind of an alcoholic. Don't hate the playa, hate the game]

Phone rings.

It's the crew.

Shit I thought y'all forgot about me.

Sure, let's go out. I'm down. I'm lifted. Let's do this.

Now people are on budgets, so we gotta keep it simple. Tonight's outing: South Bay Galleria to see Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?

Tauwan Patterson: Why did I see this movie?

My two partners in crime had already seen it, but it was so good that they had nothing against seeing it again. The tears, the drama, the appearance of Tyler Perry's name at least five time before the movie even started, they ate that shit up yo!

But I can see through the bullshit.

But laughing and saying "Oh my God they're so professional" all throughout the movie wasn't even the highlight of the night. No. It was the ride home, when Brandon put in this new comedy CD he bought this week.

Soulja Boy.

Souljaboytellem.com

Party foul number one: He skipped through Crank Dat.

Not cool man, not cool.

Now we all know his 23 year old, Law school aspiring, young, gifted, and Black ass who also happens to be a landlord, driving this gorgeous rental SUV has no business buying a Soulja Boy album. Appreciate the single, laugh from a far, but this is definitely a disc you download.

Sorry,

but you just do.

But I'll give anything a shot and I was curious. But the minute it got going, the lifted music critic in the backseat couldn't keep his mouth shut.

Is this a song about a sidekick? [Yes it is. And it's titled Sidekick]

Dear God.

Inez: I don't know why I like this so much. [Says she the recent Howard grad who could school you on all the 808, booty bumpin, wipe me down dance crazes of the South and the East]
Tauwan: [The bass kicks in] It's because of that. And the repetitions. It's like a mind thing. He just repeats, repeats, repeats, and next thing you know you're trapped, singing along, and tapping that ass.

And as the two of them did just that I stopped being all mean and critical when I noticed it wasn't funny anymore cause they were actually enjoying it, and paying attention, but then YAHH!! came on and all hell broke loose.

The floodgates broke open.

This CD became straight comedy.

Real talk.

He can't be serious right?

Skip ahead.

Pass it to Arab, Bapes, Booty Meat, [a personal favorite of Brandon's] She Thirsty.

Yes, yes he is.

And did he just take phrases from Crank Dat and make them full tracks? Cause I think he did.

-Sigh-

Hip-Hop is dead y'all.

But then I sat back and thought for a minute.

This is all synths, 808, and repetitious hooks. The young man just wants to teach you to dance or feel him as he repeats his mantras over and over again. How is this any different from the noise bubbling from the indie dance underground?

Wait a minute,

let me finish.

Bedtime for toys.

Early Moving Units and She Wants Revenge.

Gravy Train

,etc.

Too many art bands and synth groups seen in the wee hours of the night on many a Friday or Saturday night in Los Angeles. Hell I heard that this one scenester who I see from time to time who also makes his way onto a Cobrasnake photograph every now and then makes music. And what does it sound like: "It's mostly like, you know, my voice set to sytnths and shit you know."

Yes, yes I do.

Crank dat soulja boy.

And keep it "gangsta."

And just because, let's do this once more with feeling: