Spin.com: Readers Poll '06. Let's DO THIS SON!
1. I would happily approve a Friend Request from [The Rapture], but if anyone saw [Nickelback] in my Top 8, no one on the Internets would ever take me seriously again.
2. After they carry my casket through the streets of my hometown and Bono delivers the eulogy declaring me a hero, I want to be lowered into the ground while [Rabbit Furcoat] is playing, because it's just that epic. Why have I died, you ask? Medical science doesn't know why people have aneurysms, but repeated exposure to the disaster that was [Taylor Hicks] couldn't have helped.
3. Whenever I hear [Crazy], I briefly stop worrying about global warming, avian flu, and Iran's nuclear weapons program, and the world becomes a much better place for a few minutes. But not even a fat kid dancing to it on YouTube could make [Photograph] remotely palatable.
4. The buzz around [Girl Talk] is more confusing to me than Mike Tyson's monologues, the draw of Scientology, and the second season of Lost combined. And I edited the Wikipedia entry for [The Scissor Sisters] so that it said they had won a Grammy for Most Awesome Band in the Universe, even though I'm pretty sure they weren't even nominated.
5. [The Rapture]'s concerts are so fantastic that I would almost certainly refrain from throwing a glass bottle full of my own urine at the lead singer's head. But a few minutes after [30 Seconds to Mars] took the stage, I wondered if I'd mistakenly taken a wrong turn somewhere and wandered into a Babyshambles rehearsal.
6. Nothing will ever come between me and [Jenny Lewis] (except for the 500 feet legally required by the state). And that disguise I wear has nothing to do with my stalking exploits -- it's to stay incognito so [Taylor Hicks] won't be all up in my business and like, "Hey, what's up? Let's be BFF!" whenever I roll to get some cargo pants and a fistful of astronaut ice cream at the mall.
7. I was so excited about welcoming [Janet Jackson] back into my life that I decided my psychosis-fueled sabbatical to Africa was a bad idea and I needed to return home posthaste in order to fully appreciate its greatness. But you know how sometimes Hulk Hogan comes back to wrestle? And how it's always sort of cool to see him do the hand-to-the-ear thing and pose in the ring, but it's also sort of sad because he's older now, strangely puffy, and doesn't move as well as he used to, and you wonder why you ever liked him in the first place? Well, watching [Guns and Roses] was infinitely worse.
8. While nothing will ever top Axl Rose partying with dolphins in the clip for "Estranged," [Whoo Alright Yeah Uh Huh] certainly comes close to matching the majesty of Use Your Illusion's undersea masterpiece. But if there was one group who knew about suffering, it's the Spanish Inquisitors. They had the rack. They had the thumbscrew. They had the strappado. Sometimes, they'd just go ahead and amputate a hand. But even they would consider tying someone down and showing them [Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off] on an endless loop to be cruel and unusual punishment of the highest order.
9. I was so distracted by the warming glow of [YouTube] that I completely neglected my job as secretary of defense. Luckily, everybody was too stupidly obsessed with [YouTube] to hold me accountable!
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