So I don't know if you've heard...but this is album is a big fucking deal.
BIGMAMA: Tauwan?
TAUWAN: [Bumping 50 Cent's I Get Money. Chilling] Yes?
BIGMAMA: Go on my bed and look in the Target back and pick which one you want to listen to.
TAUWAN: [Walks to Bigmama's room, looks in the bag and sees two discs Michael Jackson's 25th Anniversary edition of Thriller and Lenny Kravitz's It Is Time For A Love Revolution. Grabs one of them and proceeds to immediately rip the packaging with his teeth. Walks back to the kitchen. Disc in mouth.] I decided to go with this one.
BIGMAMA: Which one is that?
TAUWAN: Thriller.
BIGMAMA: I thought you were gonna open Lenny Kravitz.
TAUWAN: Nope. I have been listening to this all week.
And I have.
I feel bad for Michael and the folks at the record company.
All week I have been playing Thriller. Start to finish. No skipping. Loving it each and every time. And it's all thanks to Michael and his handlers, reminding of its magic this week, practically begging me to bump this headphone, dancefloor masterpiece again.
And that is why I'm sorry.
Cause I feel that I am not alone in these actions. We all own Thriller.
[It sold a gajillion fucking copies for christaskes.]
We all love it.
And each and every review, construction poster advertisement, and ad in the paper, begged me to go ahead and dust it off...
...not purchase it.
No matter how much I love me some Will.i.am production [seriously, peep Chris Brown's Exclusive and play Picture Perfect. Postmodern pop never sounded so good.], Fergie's The Dutchess [yeah I said it], and Kanye West, I don't need to fork over 10-17 more dollars for an album I own that is already near and dear to me, and still in good condition.
And, again, I am sure I'm not alone in this sentiment.
Especially once I read that the bonus DVD only contains 4 videos !?@#
No thank you, I'm just fine.
I was eager about those remixes though, and,... Well... Will.i.am takes The Girl Is Mine [a song that only I seem to adore, saccharine wordplay and all] and erases Paul McCartney completely. It's nice to be shocked and amazed at the timelessness quality of Michael's newly added vocals, but that is quickly taken away and re-gifted once Will.i.am decides to place a microphone above his boards. Luckily he more than makes up for it with his P.Y.T. mix, which is pretty nice, and could be a hit if originally released today. [Just ask Mariah "Touch My Body" Carey]. But Fergie's Beat It duet is straight garbage, ditto Kanye's Billie Jean which, we all know, was doomed from the start, destined to not be able to hold a candle to the original.
Only one remix shines and [non?] surprisingly, it comes from Akon, whose slowed down piano ballad version of Wanna Be Startin Somethin is out of this world. Like Snoop Doog with a fro and some chest hair on display on a round motel bed in outerspace sensual seduction style, out of this world. I admit, I laughed when the Konvict business card came on at the start of the track, but trust, ain't nothing to laugh at once the vocals kick in, and up until the song comes to an end. Akon sounds the best I've ever heard em sound. Yeah, he could sing, but he couldn't sing if you know what I mean. But he does it here. And the added lyrics work. Michael's verses and chorus serve more as a sample, much in the way it does for Rihanna's just as wonderful Don't Stop the Music.
I didn't know Akon had it in him. [Though I must admit I love me some Lonely and Gwen Stefani's The Sweet Escape.]
And neither will you.
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