Untitled.

words. 

"You ain't shit.

That's the lesson I took from this case.

You ain't shit.

These words are deep because these are words I've heard my whole life: I heard from adults in my childhood that I needed to be "about something" other than all that banging and clanging and music I play all the time. As I got older, I heard I wasn't as good as so-and-so is at music. All the "you ain't shit" stories I got — Jesus, it's a wonder I made it.

Rich asks, "Wait, you're not surprised, are you?" I'm not surprised at all, but that doesn't mean it stings any less.

I should be angry, right? I remember when the Sean Bell verdict came out and I just knew, "Oh, God, New York is gonna go up in flames." And yet no one was fuming. It was like, "[Shrug] … No surprises here. That's life."

Rich asks again, "Are you surprised … that you ain't shit?"

It hurts to hear it, and I say, "I'm not surprised, but who wants to be reminded?" What fat person wants to hear that they aren't pleasing to the eye? Or what addict wants to hear they are a constant F-up? Who wants to be reminded that — shrug — that's just the way it is?

I guess I'm struggling to get at least 1 percent of this feeling back, from all this protective numbness I've built around me, to keep me from feeling. Because, at the end of the day, I'm still human.

... Right?"

NY MAG: Questlove: Trayvon Martin and I Ain’t Shit

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Black Sheep.