Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's 1989

It starts like Borderline, then fades slowly into a Holiday/Jessica Simpson mash-up, calypso drums and all. The vibe is smooth, fluffy, and [intentionally?] retro. Just like this video. Rollerskates? Check. Booty shorts? Check. Disco Moves? Check! Check! Check! IT'S ALL HERE. Those of you expecting a hot dance number starring Christina Applegate, Eva Longoria, Christina Milan, and Ms. Simpson will be deeply dissapointed. (Those of you hoping for an Andy Dick/Ryan Seacrest dance off wil weep into your pillows a little harder) No, all the dancing is left to the "urban" skaters who manage to bounce, boogie, AND glide all at the same time!

Now the song and video has been much talked about for nearly a month and a half now, and it is no secret that I am a fan of the fluffy summertime vibe of it all, so I went in looking for a good time and like the folks over at stereogum I walked away with a few questions of my own.

1)Will anybody find the opening where the girls rip jokes straight from the headlines funny? [Especially those whose lives are the basis for a joke.]
2)Really Mr. Seacrest? THAT was your cameo? Actually scratch that, money well spent.
3)Andy Dick...yeah still trying to figure out how I feel about your screen time. Don't hate any of it, just don't know how to take it yet. Something is distracting maybe? Your haircut perhaps? Or Jessica's relying heavily on the act of contorting one's face to express emotion? Her version of acting perhaps?
4)After seeing Jessica molest that poor ice cream cone I wonder why she's still single? [Or not. I hear she may be barking up Dane Cook's tree. Maybe.] Nick Lachey needs to provide a special edition commentary on the dual disc cd/dvd combo. I am sure said scene will conjure up tons of old memories of the good times he once had with the Christian songbird.
5)Why does Maria Menounos allow her man to just gawk at Jessica like that? Right next to her?
6)Did Jessica do all of her own stunts?
AND FINALLY...
7)I know the girls are "stepping out for a public affair," but since when did Jessica Simpson acquire this underused Entourage? [who I am sure were all happy to come to the set, make faces, and skate laps for God knows how many takes. It probably inspired this the next day. [http://sleazyainteasy.blogspot.com/2006/07/random-bits-of-hatefulness-that-my.html]

All in all. I was entertained. Do I need to see it again? Probably not.