Ugh. Is that T-Pain's Bartender I hear?
It is.
Ugh.
Is this shit on repeat? Or is the listener simply not content with letting the song play from start to finish.
Oh hell naw, it's that guy.
Every fucking weekend, he never fails. Makes a left turn right in front of the restaurant making all the customers turn and stare. And not in a good way.
Brotha is always blasting, repeat BLASTING hip-hop and R&B as he rolls through the lean streets of Venice.
Today his Back to the Future looking red hooptie is parked directly in front of the restaurant's four open windows. The Bartender run has come to an end and he is now blasting Snoop Dogg's Tha Blue Carpet Treatment and talking to a familiar face from the neighborhood that eats at the rant from time to time.
Oh my.
So this is what homeboy looks like.
5'11 or taller, but no more than 6'4. Fitted Cap. Built. Caucasian. No homo, but I can't look away. You gotta understand, this man bumps the current hip-hop and R&B like it's his job and he's rolling on dubs.
His sweater/jacket thing comes off.
Ah hell naw.
It gets worse.
He's wearing a tank that stops at the belly button. Thin straps. Fuck. Looks like none of us got tickets to his non-stop gun show. You know the kind of shirt I am talking about. It's the kind of shirt that 50 Cent wears all the time. Except this one looks like it was bought at a Metallica concert in 1988. In fact the front is that Metallica album cover that is a row of cemetery like crosses or something. He's wearing a pouch, AND he's sagging. Yes a pouch AND sagging, for all the world to see. Did I mention the grape flavored blunt resting on his ear?
No?
Don't worry. I was not stalking him out or staring him down. "Homeboy" came in to get a tall cup of Black coffee to go, that's when I got a chance to take the whole thing in. I guess the coffee was his drank to go with the blunt he proceeded to smoke with the familiar face in front of the restaurant windows blasting Tha Blue Carpet Treatment's Crazy feat Nate Dogg, screaming along with Nate at the top of his lungs whenever he sang "LONG BEACH TO COMPTON!"
Riigght....
And don't even get me started on his story about how he took a so-called badass friend from New York City to "the hood." [his words, not mine. 125th and Figeoura to be exact. what? he was talking extra loud. guess he thinks that's a Black Thang.] Once there, he watched as said friend shat his pants cause a) he was in South Central and b)our Venice Thug took it upon himself to instigate and further encourage a fight that was going on between these "two crackheads". He was all "Round 2! FIGHT and shit son!..."
Now you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with music and/or what's the point? Or what, a white man can't get down with his inner black man? No. None of that. This would have stayed in my head and gotten out to nobody at all, if it wasn't for this picture of Jesse Metcalfe, presented below, that I came across online. As soon as I saw this I couldn't help but think of Homeboy in Venice, getting high, and living the life, one gangsta day at a time.
-Sigh-
I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
Pic spotted at:
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